Why Some Men Won’t Date Women in Their Church or Singles Group
by Vicki Nunn
The main reason that some Christian men won’t date women in their singles group or church, comes down to one, single four-letter word:
… TALK …
If you’re a guy and so much as look sideways at a girl from church, it almost seems that instantly, the gossip begins. If you go on a date with a girl, then every aspect of any outing may well be discussed and dissected amongst that woman’s female friends. What guy wants to face that ‘knowing’ crowd every time he goes to church? It’d be easier to face your old school Principal!
If a man dates a woman at church for a time and then they break up, the gossiping can switch into high gear as people talk amongst themselves. Any perceived flaw in the male might be discussed and prodded at and blown out of proportion, which is likely within the woman’s circle of friends. Any chance of the real truth may fly out of the window. What guy wants to face that ‘knowing’ crowd every time he goes to church? It’d be easier to put up with the Paparazzi!
If a guy dates several women from his church over a period of a few years, the gossip may turn into all out warnings about his lack of character and the possibility that he may be a serial pervert. It’s may not be the woman’s friends doing the talking at that point though, but possibly a good portion of the church. It’s as if the church ‘family’ feels it’s their responsibility to keep the fellow in check. The resulting drama hardly seems worth it. What guy wants to face that ‘knowing’ crowd every time he goes to church? It’d be easier to disarm a ticking bomb!
By that point, the man has often eliminated any of the remaining woman at his church from his dating pool because they’re friends with the other women he previously went out with or have heard the gossip.
Weirdly though, if a man were to date just one woman a year, his mates might actually taunt him about his pathetic track record, so he’s in a lose-lose situation. No wonder guys date outside of their church.
But let’s imagine a fellow who’s managed to find a woman at his church that he wants to marry, but after their engagement they decide to break up. Not only does this impact on his status with the other women and the people in his church but it’s likely to lose him friends who feel they have to choose between him and his ex-fiancé.
Piled on top of all of this is a sense of inappropriateness about looking for girls in a church environment. Church after all, is about God and perfection and selflessness isn’t it? Whereas dating is all about selfishness isn’t it? Additionally there’s the idea of church being a holy place and flirting would therefore be improper and tasteless. Some of the more traditional members of the congregation might also frown upon it.
It’s difficult for singles to get past this concept and to accept that it’s perfectly fine to be a human being, even in church.
For many Christian men, it’s less stressful and easier to meet women outside of their church or singles group. Some meet potential partners through mutual friends, while others seek to meet women through online Christian dating agencies.
Surely women then have a responsibility to be considerate of the men they’re dating and to keep their private discussions to their closest friends, rather than gossiping about him to every girl they know.
Men also have a responsibility to be kind and considerate to the women they date, not only because it’s the right thing to do, but ultimately because the resulting talk about them in church will be positive and stand them in good favour with everyone else in their church family. [End]
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