The Advantages of Going Through Menopause

by Vicki Nunn

Whenever I’ve seen articles or heard comments about menopause, they’ve usually been quite negative, so I wondered if there were any advantages of going through menopause and the following list is what I discovered.

  1. I can blame everything on menopause, from memory lapses to a bad temper, particularly when driving: “…Yes, Officer, I did forget to indicate while turning that corner and … look are you just going to stand there and lecture me you great lump of a ….! Hang on now, what was I talking about?”

  2. Another benefit of “the Change” is that your skin begins to mellow and you now rarely get those dreaded pimples that were the bane of your life for so many years. I won’t mention the fact that your skin has begun to resemble dry sandpaper, which I suppose could come in handy if you’ve been thinking about repainting the spare room.

  3. You can finally convince yourself that you’ve finally grown up and are now a real woman … in fact, you’ve become a superhero! Yes, you’ve become Batwoman you realise, as you look at the wobbly, wing-like flesh that hangs down underneath your arms, which flap about every time you move, or whenever there’s a good gust of wind.

  4. All of the jewellery and clothing you wore in your hey-day are now having a resurgence and you could make a small fortune selling them on an auction website. The down-side of this is that you may decide to keep and wear the items yourself in the misguided belief that you’ll still fit into the clothing or look just as sexy as you did in your twenties.

  5. Another positive thing about going through menopause is that when you’re having a good hair day, you should focus on the fact that this likely to be the best that you’re going to look for the rest of your life, so enjoy it and feel gorgeous – from this point onwards, it’s all downhill!

  6. If you ever need to go incognito for a while to hide out from the mafia or annoying family members, you can simply allow all of your excess facial hair to grow unhindered, and people will assume you’re a little foreign man on holidays …. or an escaped monkey.

  7. There may come a day when science can utilise the hot flushes raging through your body and you could end up being able to plug into the electricity network and power a small town. At least your grandkids will be impressed that you were willing to do your bit for the environment.

  8. And finally, another positive side-effect of going through ‘the Change’ is that on cold winter mornings, your family can come and warm their hands by the heat emanating from the glow of your face.