Troubling Toilets

by Vicki Nunn

I think I’m under a curse: the curse of the toilet seat!

It could have started the time I discovered that you can’t see a cockroach on a black toilet seat. From that moment on, toilet seats everywhere banned together and swore to have their revenge on me for half-squashing a cockroach on one of their brothers!

Toilet seats around the world I’m sure, feel much maligned in their profession, especially being the butt of so many jokes (sorry –  couldn’t help myself) and have now formed a union to avenge themselves on those human they deem to have committed the cheekiest crimes against them. (Sorry again.)

So what kind of revenge can a toilet seat possibly execute? I can tell you from personal experience that:

  • The hinge snapped on one side so that the seat portion became skewed as I sat down on it and I almost went flying off;

  • On a heavy duty toilet seat, the hefty lid crashed down on top of my fingers; and

  • The hinge seized up so I couldn’t lift the lid at all, which occurred at a time I was a little desperate, which is a bit of a bummer (sorry for that).

In a two year period our household went through a total of seven toilets seats. From cheap and flimsy to expensive and heavy duty: one after another failed us. One costly decorative one even developed a crack (no pun intended.)

After sending a letter of sincere apology to the TSU (Toilet Seat Union), I decided that I would no longer bother purchasing expens-ive toilet seats, but stick to the cheap ones from the bottom end of the market (I won’t even attempt to apologise for that one!)

They had their revenge on me last year though. I rushed into the bathroom after I heard a bizarre sound and copped a lovely shower from the geyser erupting from my toilet bowl, as the local council was doing work on a nearby sewage line.  The stinkers!